The Freedom of Relationship
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In this blog, we'll answer the question, "What does it mean to have freedom of relationships?" Relationships are messy. But meaning, purpose, and life come from the people around us and our relationships. Are you creating enough margin in your life to spend time in those relationships in meaningful ways?
Jeff Huston, the Founder/Owner of 3D Money, has a podcast called the
Jeff Huston Show — a nonprofit platform dedicated to coaching and inspiring you on your journey towards freedom!
There are four freedoms we talk about here at the Jeff Huston Show: the Freedom of Time, Freedom of Money, Freedom of Relationship and Freedom of Purpose. Today we’ll be answering a reader’s question about the Freedom of Relationship.
Today’s question comes from Betsy from Minnesota who asks, “What does it mean to have freedom of relationships?” That’s a good question. Simply put, “Freedom of Relationship” means that you have enough margin in your life, in all areas of your life, that you get to choose who it is that you get to spend your time with.
Does that mean that all of life is rosy and perfect? No. There is a proverb that says, “When the manger is empty, there are no oxen in the field.” I believe the meaning of the proverb is to emphasize that when the barn is all swept clean and there’s no mess, it also means there are no animals or oxen that can go out into the field and get work done. If you want to get work done in the fields, you’re going to have a messy barn.
How does that relate to relationships? If you want to have a life that is free from conflict and free from complications, just don’t have any people in it. But that’s the paradox of the proverb; because people are where much of life’s meaning, purpose and worth comes from. But we also have to recognize that when we have people in our lives there are going to be messes. When I say “Freedom of Relationships,” I don’t mean that there won’t be any messes or complications in your life. I simply mean that you have enough freedom and flexibility in your life to make the choice of who you’re going to spend your time with.
Let me give you an example. A while back I was talking with a husband and wife. I had never met the wife before, so I asked her a little bit about herself. I knew that she worked, so I asked her, “Where do you work?” She told me about a company that she works for a few towns over. I followed up by asking her, “Well, do you like your job?”
She responded by saying, “Oh, no. I hate my job. I just hate it!”
I was shocked. So I asked her, “Have you thought about doing something else or getting a new job?”
“I’ve been there for 14 years and I’m getting close to retirement,” she said. “I just don’t want to start over again.”
So I asked her how long it would be until she retired? And she responded by saying seven more years!!
I didn’t say this out loud, but I thought to myself, “Are you kidding me? You’re going to spend seven more years of your life at someplace that you hate! And how many years have you already been there that you hate?”
Life is way too short. You only get one shot at this...and then it's on to eternity! So why not make the most of it? Why would anybody spend seven years of their life in a job that they hate with people they don’t like?
That’s an example of relationship freedom. In this situation, I believe that the lack of freedom was self-imposed. There was nothing that says she couldn’t get a job — she was very employable, but mentally she was stuck in bondage in her current role and she wasn’t willing to think outside of herself and look for something else.
Sometimes, with “Freedom of Relationship” there are boundaries that we create. There are self-imposed boundaries and there are externally-imposed boundaries. For instance, examples of externally-imposed boundaries would be if someone says the job market is tight and they can’t leave their job because they don’t think they can get another one that pays as much or they’re in a geographical region where there’s a downturn and they’re just thankful to have a job. I think those situations are probably fewer than the self-imposed boundaries we create for ourselves. But I do acknowledge that there are external circumstances that are factors.
Let’s say I had enough money saved up so I had six months of cushion financially. That might give me a little flexibility to take a chance on something new or begin looking for something else in the hopes of putting myself in a better environment. If you don’t have any margin in your life though, you don’t have nearly as much “Freedom of Relationship.”
So what does a good relationship look like? The importance of communication has to be recognized as a key in good and healthy relationships. If you don’t have healthy communication in any relationship — with your spouse, a significant other, a co-worker, a friend or a boss — it’s going to be a long-term limiting factor in how healthy those relationships are.
Let’s take it a step further and answer: What does healthy communication look like? I think it’s the ability to disagree or see a different point of view and still function. To be able to stand on the edge of the coin and see both sides is very valuable. Wisdom comes when we can see both sides and recognize those sides might be opposing but we still have the ability to function.
I think we’ve lost that in this country, and I just don’t understand it. If one side is seen as intolerant and one side is seen as narrow-minded, we’re not able to see and mediate our differences because we get so dogmatic and set in our own viewpoints that we’re not able to see another side. That really does grieve me.
How does this help us understand what a healthy relationship looks like? Well, first and foremost, you have to have a relationship where you can hold differing points of view and disagree in an agreeable way.
I have a great example of this. A number of years ago, I had an employee who had polar opposite political views than me. Nonetheless, we had great conversations about it...because we respected each other. I respected her and she respected me even though we had different viewpoints. That’s a healthy relationship. I appreciated that relationship and therefore chose to spend more time with her because we valued and respected each other.
My perspective on what it means to have “Freedom of Relationship” is to have the ability to have margin and flexibility in the areas of time and money so you can choose the relationships you spend time with. You can choose to spend time with the relationships that mean the most to you.
This is only the start of the conversation! If you want to hear more about how to create “Freedom of Relationship” in your life, then check out the full podcast episode below!
